Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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