I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have fence marks all over my body
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
