It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
