My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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