Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
