Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
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She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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