We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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