I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
