I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
