his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
