Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
