I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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