I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
