she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
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you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
So. Much. Porn.
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