dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
