apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
