If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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