just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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