he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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