Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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