Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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