It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
