im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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