I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sorry about my life...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
