somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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