Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
