Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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