yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
