i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
