why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do vagina's smell?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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