Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
