Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
someone get that fucking seahorse.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
