I'm lost and stupid without you.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize