In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
