Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just pee around me
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
