btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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