I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
