dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Acid is not a monday night drug
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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