yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
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I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
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I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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