Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i am craving dick and cupcakes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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