Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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