i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
