How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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