Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
