I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
