there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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