we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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