Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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