i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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