btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
