In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
