check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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