I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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