If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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