I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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