I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
