At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
