Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You are the jesus of drinking
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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