The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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