you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
