We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
