all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
