I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
