I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize