first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
